Gap Year Part 2

I wrote my first blog post one year ago about my daughter’s gap year and her experience in Iowa. This was when the clouds of “gap year” confoundment were starting to disperse from my mind. When the notion, which was originally vague at best was clearing up; when the concept of a gap year was finally sinking in. I wrote about my daughter’s experiences and mine at about half way into her gap year, when things had started making sense. I also want to address and share about the time when it all started on shaky grounds.

In our desire to be model parents, ironically, we had lost connection with our daughter’s desire to live her life in her way. So, when in the middle of her senior year, she expressed a desire to take a gap year, we thought it was a phase. She had a choice of half a dozen colleges to pick from and admitted to at least one college she liked very much - now, wasn’t the next step to attend that college? As the academic year progressed, she continued to bring “gap year” up every now and then. Every conversation ended up in “what are you going to do in the gap year?” We were unwilling to accept “I don’t know” or “I want to explore” or “I will figure out during the gap year”. Well, after all we were structured, planned parents who wanted to know first before we “allowed” her to take one year off. In the back of our heads we were concerned about the one year she would “waste”. There was also the unfounded worry about what if she never went to college and completed her education. 

While we were focussed on the “what”, we never quite paid attention to the “why”. She had spent four stressful years in a highly competitive High School. She had been going from this SAT to that AP to perpetual tests and quizzes and grades. She wanted to take a break from the academics for one year and experience real life, before plunging back into the rigor of college. She wanted to make sure her mental health was in order, and wanted to go back to college refreshed and experienced to take in what college life had to offer. On the other hand, our mental conditioning as parents had only one path to learning and education. To send kids to a high school with a high academic standard and rigor, then have them find a college that fits their needs, aspirations and comfort zone, then send them to college for about four years, with a desire that they graduate college with a profession to start their careers. 

On our insistence she applied to gap year programs like the City Year and was selected for the competitive program, where, normally kids apply to after graduating college. To think about it in hindsight, this program which sometimes takes up to 50-60 hours per week commitment, was totally orthogonal to the reason she wanted to take the gap year in the first place. At that point she figured she was okay, albeit unwillingly, to give college a shot. After ten days at college, she decided she had had enough. We worked with the college staff and counselors, who were very supportive, to complete paperwork so she could return either the spring semester , or the following year in fall.

Back at home, after about a week of “space”, I was back with my inquiries on how she wanted to spend her year. The inexperienced me would still not have accepted her answer if she had said “self-reflecting”. If I have learned something about my daughter over the years, once she makes up her mind she follows through, even if we don’t know her plan. As I wrote in my post one year ago, I sat “back”, at the edge of the seat of the roller coaster ride, and watched her take the driver’s seat of her life!

By the second half of the gap year, I was a seasoned “gap year desi mom”. I enjoyed our drive back from Iowa and in general was watching her life like a movie with “no questions asked”. Then covid happened. She had been invited to a UN Youth Plenary and ECOSOC to New York in April, which was exciting, but got cancelled due to covid. Luckily, my niece joined us through the lockdown, which made her life with a close friend and confidant a million times better than if she were to be locked down with boring adults. Enjoying the baking and cooking and the little things during the lockdown, I never expected the turn the second part of her gap year took. 

In April, she signed up as a volunteer for the Ed Markey re-election campaign as she was aligned with his platform of Justice - Social, Criminal, Environmental, Racial. I believe, due to her passion, her relentless campaigning, and probably her experience on the Warren campaign, very soon she became a Fellow on the Ed Markey campaign. Other than campaigning for him, she went to many Markey events, including ice cream at Gracie’s in Somerville, where she had the opportunity to meet him for the first time. 

During his bus tour stop in Acton MA, she represented the youth segment in introducing Senator Markey (youtube video of the introduction). Despite covid, it was a well attended event, with participants donning masks and social distancing. Senator Eldridge sent his message at the event, which was read out. Representatives Tami Gouviea and Dan Sena, Acton Selectman Jon Benson and Amy Krishnamurthy from the School Committee were present at this event. Over the summer, my daughter spent time bonding with other Markey Fellows and generally running the social media campaign which ended up with the incumbent Ed Markey winning in the neck-to-neck contest with Congressman Joe Kennedy. For my daughter, there was no better way to end her gap year experience than this! After finishing the first term remotely, she recently started her second term on campus at GW in Washington, DC. As for me, I came out of that year wiser, more proud of my daughter than before, and with one message for other desi parents. If you or your teenager have wondered about or considered Gap Year, go for it!

(The Delgona coffee, pancake-cereal, and macaroons are the products of the Tandon-Bhat Lockdown Bakery and Cafe)